Category: mental health

Bee Yourself!

Comparison is the root of discontent.

This is one truth I discovered this last decade or so.

We will never fully appreciate what we have if we always compare ourselves to other people.

My solution for this is to stay focused and run my race.

I watched a great example of this during the Olympics. One of the track and field athletes actually lost his heat because instead of looking forward and pressing toward the finish line, he looked to his left and to his right for the other runners. If he had only focused on the goal ahead, he would have qualified for the next race.

This is something my youngest and I are battling at present.

The topic of ACTs and SATs is popular among seniors. However, test taking has never been Lan’s strong point. His acceptance into a graphics arts/animation program will not be due to high test scores.

Still, listening to his friends has made him anxious. Comparing their plans with his own is causing frustration for both of us!

I have repeatedly told him he doesn’t have to pursue his goals the way others pursue theirs. I’m trying to make him understand this lesson, one that I’ve had to “learn” myself a time or two.

 The temptation to compare ourselves with others is always present.  Often in parenting, the opportunities are endless. Yet, this is a dangerous habit because it is so easy to become disenchanted with what you have based on the briefest glimpse into someone else’s life.

When we allow these comparisons to root themselves in us, they often leach away the peace and contentment that God provides.

The infamous “why my child?” easily pops into mind.

God’s answer of “you can handle it” isn’t usually a welcome answer.

We can sometimes allow the progress we make to be diminished by what we perceive around us. However, what we perceive isn’t always true.

I choose to appreciate my here and now, very much aware plenty of people would be more than satisfied with my particular set of “problems.”

I’m trying to teach Lan, by example, to be grateful for gains. Personal “success” is independent of what others think or do!

Lan may not be the most academically strong student; however, he does have an artistic flair all his very own. When we focus on our strengths and not what we think we lack, we can fully fulfill God’s purpose for our lives.

I’ve learned the hard way that what works for someone else isn’t necessarily going to work for me. My “success” in life won’t come following someone else’s blueprint. God gives us what we need to create our own.

I found peace and joy when I nurtured my own talents. I found contentment when I learned to enjoy being me.

I pray Lan learns this lesson far sooner than I ever did.

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:13-14 NKJV

May He grant you according to your heart’s desire,
And fulfill all your purpose. Psalm 20:4 NKJV

Solo!

Today is the first day of school for my youngest child. Lan begins his senior year without the watchful eyes of big brother nearby.

There was a time I’d be worried sick.

Today, I’m simply grateful.

Today my kid is flying solo!

Class schedule finalized? Check!

IEP (individualized education plan) in place and all participants on board? Check!

No big brother around to chaperone? Check!

Lan is “free to be me.”

And that’s a good thing.

I vividly recall Lan’s first year of high school.  He was tiny compared to the other kids, walking out of class with his hands over his ears because he couldn’t stand the noise.

Three years later, Lan stands head and shoulders above most students and is an eager participant in the hallway chatter!

No longer a freshman or marching band “rookie,” he is making plans to map out his future. Lan envisions a future without his parents watching every single step he makes.

There was a time I pondered “what if” into infinity. I’ve learned to replace “what if” with “why not” and search for possibilities.

  We will never know how far we can go if we don’t dare move our feet!

Conquering Everest begins with one step. Even if we never make it to the top, we can still end up miles ahead of where we started.

Still, some of the most important steps we can take aren’t physical, but mental.

We can’t always change a condition, but we can certainly change the way we think about it, pray about it and live with it.

Autism is only one adjective used to describe a person. It doesn’t necessarily have to define him.

Party animal.

Marching band member.

Artist.

These are words Lan uses to describe himself.

As parents, we pushed, prodded, and even yelled a time or two to get this kid to reach his potential, clueless to just what that “potential” would be.

Lan slowly made strides that eventually gave him both confidence and enthusiasm to go it alone. He is no longer afraid of flying “solo.”

I realize now, God did the very same with me!

It wasn’t fun.

And it certainly wasn’t easy.

Yet, our Heavenly Father can force us into situations that will ultimately bring out the best in us.

I’ve learned how to write and have guts enough to let people read it. I can now work a camera without breaking one. My computer skills have improved exponentially. And honestly, none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been forced along this ASD journey.

God can take what looks like a mess and turn it into a message that will draw us nearer to Him!

Even when we feel alone, we are not alone. God is ever present through both fears and tears.

I don’t have to have the answers as long as I give God my problems.

 Like Lan, I’m now “free to be me.”

I’ve conquered my fear of flying solo!

“Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed.”
Mark 1:35 NKJV

System Error!

System error.

I hate those dreaded words when they pop up on my computer screen. It generally indicates that whatever I’m trying to do, my computer isn’t going to allow me to do.

There are times I would have given anything to have had such warning when I was walking down a path I would later regret.

Thankfully, God is more than able to reconfigure us when we’ve gone astray. Many times, we don’t heed those signs that suggest a great idea might not be so great after all.

God reconfigures us by giving us opportunities to change our attitudes, grow in our faith and learn from our experiences.

Our version of a system error may be a relationship that is toxic or other interests that diminish our spiritual lives, not enhance them.

God can reconfigure us using the strangest of circumstances. We can find ourselves in situations where we have no choice but to escape instead of pressing forward.

I’ve certainly been there a time or two.

It’s at this point we must “reboot.”

When a computer reboots, it must first shut down. Sometimes God has to shut down certain things we have going on as well. This is often the only recourse left when have allowed ourselves to become corrupted by some virus or another.

 Starting from scratch is rarely ideal especially when you made significant gains only to see them vanish. Loosing data (or things) you believe to be valuable is painful. However, some loss is often necessary if we are ever to function correctly again.

The right virus is certain death for even the most complex computer. The same applies to us. We must arm ourselves with the only “antivirus” that can continually clean off those cookies and extensions that cling to us, many we carry unaware.

Norton doesn’t have anything on God’s Word. It is the only thing that keeps us running smoothly. Software has to update to keep current but God’s Word is unchanging and never fails. It is our only defense for all the malware roaming around that would shut us down for good!

It often takes more time than expected to fix a corrupted disk and more steps than the average person could ever imagine. This is also true when God is “fixing” us and our many circumstances. Yet, because God’s mercies are new every morning, we can all restart!

 God is the Ultimate Restorer. He can fix anyone!

We can never be so far gone as to fall beyond the reach of our Father.

When is the last time you asked God to restore you?

He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake. Psalm 23:3 NKJV