grief – B Is for Blessed!

Mother’s Day…

Two words that evoke love or dread.

Mother’s Day.

This weekend, mothers of all capacities will be celebrated. There are mothers to be and new moms engulfed in the glow of their newfound status.

There are also mothers mourning the unimaginable loss of children born and unborn.

This will be the second year without my mother. It will also be the first Mother’s Day I spend without the company of my children.

When my husband asked me what I wanted to do for Mother’s Day, my answer was, “lay low.” A day that once brought about fun memories with my kids now makes me keenly aware that Mother’s Day is painful for many.

Yet, I distinctly remember one thing my mother said to me over twenty years ago.

“I will always be your mother and I will always love you.”

And she did.

The love of a mother and its bonds are strong.

It withstands life’s pains and problems. It allows grace for failure. A mother’s love suffers much. It restores confidence with a word and offers support in silence.

A mother’s love evolves and bends, but it never completely breaks. Maybe that’s why there is no other like a mother.

Celebrate your mother by heeding her wisdom and mothering those in need when you can. You don’t have to literally be a mother to teach, guide and love like one.

And If you’re like me, who would do well to merely reappear when it’s over, I challenge you (and myself) to smile over memories and good times once shared.

Give thanks for the women that love and nurture you.

Mothers, step-mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, sisters, sister-friends and aunts.

Other mothers who listen to and encourage you.

Show them love while you can.

Be gentle.

Be kind.

Be considerate and wise.

Celebrate and give thanks for the great women in your life, past and present.

Even take a moment to celebrate you.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Merry Christmas?

Although Christmas is my favorite time of year, Christmas is not “merry” for many.

The holiday season can become a catalyst that accentuates grief, sparks depression and brings about a range of emotions, some of which we would rather not face. Not everyone has a legacy of Christmas memories that leave them feeling warm and cozy.

This Christmas will be one for many who are struggling with loss, and a great number of them may be relieved when the holidays are over.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Some people may very well need to tend their wounds instead of catering to the expectations of other people.

Insisting those who are hurting be joyful is unrealistic. We can’t always understand someone’s pain, but we can certainly respect it.

By faith, I am trusting God that much joy and laughter awaits us this Christmas.

One reason we celebrate the birth of Christ is the promise of a new life that doesn’t suffer the ills and pains of this earthly world. Those who trust Him have a promise of something better for eternity.

Through faith, we win the mental battle that allows us to see the light that eventually breaks after every storm. Jesus is the Light of the world elevating us above despair and defeat. If you are feeling overcome, look to the Light!

Call on Him.

If you are hurting this Christmas season, my prayer is that you receive His peace on earth and goodwill from men!

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 NKJV

Hopeful!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 NIV

“Overflow with hope.”

I’ll admit I haven’t been overflowing with hope lately. Part of this is due to lingering details concerning my mother’s death. Her birthday is tomorrow and I’ve been missing Mommy.

Recently, I was talking to my sister-in-law and she asked me what was I hoping for?

I didn’t have an answer.

There was a time I would have quickly rattled off a dozen or more things. Instead, it took me a few minutes to come up with an answer. Instead of being hopeful, I’ve been numb.

In Romans 15:12, Paul implores us to be filled with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes, the events of life leave us less than optimistic so it is only through the “God of hope” that we can have joy and peace as we trust in Him.

Trusting God, it isn’t always joyful or peaceful. It doesn’t necessarily “feel” good. But we must trust anyway. The Holy Spirt can allow us to be hopeful once more when we allow His presence to overtake us. I want to once again be that “crazy lady” always expecting the best.

A few weeks ago, I had to deal with one of those “lingering details” by registering my mother’s car before the tag expired. As I’m down at the county tag office, I fill out the paperwork to get the vanity tag GRCNMRC. I figure grace and mercy held me together this year so it was more than appropriate.

When you fill out the form, you must make three selections in case the first one is taken. I wasn’t worried because I have always received the vanity plates I requested. Well, apparently there is another person of the same mind as myself because GRCNMRC was already taken.

Really?!

On to my second choice, the clerk quickly shook her head “no.”

“BBLESSED” was also registered. It would have been nice, still I can imagine someone having selected that one.

Frustrated, I held my breath as the clerk typed in my last choice. At this point, she surely thought I was wasting her time. I figured I would have to come back. The odds were slim.

Surprisingly, they were in my favor. I was filled with hope with I received this in the mail this week.

I see “signs and wonders” all the time but I took this as a definitive message to get my hopes up!

And Mommy would surely want me to.

I am now hopeful once more that my writing endeavors go well. I am hopeful both boys exceed their expectations in college. I am hopeful about this new phase of my life. I am even hopeful that my alma mater defeats North Carolina A & T this weekend for Homecoming.

Go Rattlers!!!

What are you hoping for?

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Keep it moving…

And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night.
Exodus 13:21 NKJV

Last week I endured enjoyed a “road trip” with my oldest who is now safely deposited in Iowa. This week, I’ll drive to sunny Orlando to get the second born tucked away as well. Racking up the miles, I recognized similarities between life and various portions of my “road trip.”

Driving I-75 to Nashville, the mountains of Tennessee reminded me that we all have ups and downs. Sometimes the journey is perilous. Often, roads are winding and we can’t see what’s around the next bend. There may be times where there is no exit when you need one. We may be forced to maneuver, white knuckled and all, around two-ton hazards and pray for the best.

Moving on to St. Louis demonstrated there is always the other side to the hardest part of any journey. Life eventually evens out. We may face inclement weather and unexpected delays. Still, if we plod along, we make it through our storms and find our dark clouds behind us.

Finally, riding along US-61 we came upon blue skies and bright clouds. The sky was picturesque as Cam and I rode through lush farmlands and took in vistas unlike any other.

We don’t always know what awaits us at the end of our journey, still, we will never find out unless we have faith enough to continue.

We may experience fender benders or catastrophic collisions. We can become blindsided through no fault of our own.

I pondered all of this after I was safely home watching the clouds go by.

The ups and downs, twists and turns, hazards and detours forced me to concede life isn’t always easily navigated.

“You can’t move forward if you keep looking back.” I heard deep inside.

I’ve been looking back alot these past months, reflecting and pondering “could haves” and “should haves.”

Analysis paralysis, holding me captive.

I’ve traveled thousands of miles these past few weeks but not really moving forward.

It’s time to get moving again.

Forward.

What about you?

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:12-14 NKJV

The Winds of Change, Again…

Last year this time was a bit chaotic in my household. I wrote about the winds of change as my oldest son prepared to graduate high school and we joyfully prepared for his move out of state. I’d accepted a promotion; my husband started a new job and we were excited about what the future would hold.

We never imagined exactly one year later our next graduation celebration for would be haunted by grief. My mother’s absence at this milestone is painful. I have no doubt she will see her grandchild graduate, yet I miss her just the same.

And, once again there is change in my employment status.

By the time you read this, I will be “officially” retired. I turned in my keys to the pharmacy with no regrets yet grateful for the opportunity to practice pharmacy for twenty-five years. I’ll miss my pharmacy phamily and my favorite customers, but it is time.

It is time for me to nurture the talents God blessed me with. It is time for me to step out in faith and stretch myself. Sometimes we pray for change but when it comes we stand bewildered and confused!

God often answers my prayers in the most unexpected ways, ways that are far higher than my understanding. Yet, I trust that God knows what is best for me and when I’m mature enough to actually receive the answers I’ve prayed for.

The child I never imagined leaving home for college despite prayers too many to count is actually leaving home for college!

Full Sail ahead for him!

He has changed drastically this year alone, fought his way through the trials of autism and matured in ways we couldn’t foresee only a few years ago. It will be quite the change when August arrives and our nest is empty!

Perhaps, the only constant in life is change.

Some changes we bring on ourselves. Others blindside us without warning.

We can never fully anticipate the future but we can be assured Who holds it.

I haven’t always embraced change in my life but maybe now that I’m a bit older, I hope I’m wiser as well.

Whatever changes loom on your horizon, I pray you trust God to see you to and get you through them.

Even the best of times don’t last forever. Still, we can cherish the good, learn from the bad and hopefully our experiences leave us changed for the better.

Whatever my journey, I hope to stay the course until His winds change it once more…

The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course. Ecclesiastes 5:6 NIV

Lessons From My Mother…

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

Proverbs 31:27-28 NIV

I’ll admit I’d been dreading this weekend for weeks. Losing my mother at the first of March, I was keenly aware that Mother’s Day would soon be upon me and I’d have to somehow get through it.

Yet, my favorite cousin reached out to me and convinced me to celebrate this weekend and not dread it. After a bit of reflection, I realized he was right.

I was blessed with a wonderful mother, the kind of person I’d believed I could never take for granted. Now months after her passing, even with the best of intentions, I realize I did.

Still, she left me far more blessings than I’ll ever be able to count. I thank God for my years with her and challenge you to make time to remember and appreciate the special women in your own life.

Celebrate your mother, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, godmothers, teachers, community leaders and any women who have positively impacted you. If possible, give them flowers while they can smell them and kind words while they can hear them.

Here are a few lessons I learned from my mom…

Keep your eyes on your destination, not your location

Good manners show you value other people

The merits of a good education

A great attitude will take you farther than a good education

Money can’t buy common sense

Don’t expect anything you aren’t willing to work for

How to cook with love

How to give generously

Unconditional love

How to pray

And finally, even as I was losing her, my mother managed to teach me one final lesson.

Be still and trust God.

Not knowing what each day would bring, Mommy demonstrated how to trust God and peacefully wait on the Lord. She kept her faith and kept her cool all the while concerned about everyone else.

I’m pretty sure I’m not yet mature enough to handle all the obstacles she overcame as graciously as she did throughout her lifetime. She set the bar mighty high.

But maybe one day…

Happy Mother’s Day Mommy

Home…

When I drove to my hometown in January, I had no idea of what lay ahead. What I thought would be a day trip, a weekend at most, would evolve into something completely different.

My mother and I spoke of the azaleas blooming all over. Lavender and hot pink azaleas were ablaze in her yard. Spring often comes early to Tallahassee, even still, January was way too soon.

Our “trials” would teach me perseverance. My faith was indeed tested. I was blessed with prayers and understanding from family and friends in my “hometown” as well as “back home” outside of Atlanta.

Mommy’s initial surgery went well. Then, doctors would find the need to do another. She was out of one hospital and into another to transition to rehab.

Or, so we thought.

We talked and laughed. We caught up with each other, watched television all while she would prod me, “Don’t you need to go home?”

I assured her there was no place I would rather be. I was blessed to be at her side, listening to doctors, giving my advice and whatever I could do for the woman who hadn’t been hospitalized since giving birth to me!

I would eventually put up her Christmas tree as it began to look oddly strange on Groundhog Day. I tidied up. I purchased a microwave for the kitchen that had gone forty-five years without one.

Mommy was a good patient, exceeding expectations and many prayers were answered. She pushed through surgeries, pain and discomfort. Only a few times did she ever complain, and prodded by docs to do even that.

Six weeks to the day of that emergency appendectomy I kissed her and said, “You’re going to be just fine.”

Those were the last words I would say to her before they put her under. I didn’t think too much of it. Just another hurdle to overcome like so many before.

I would later cry among those pink azaleas, uncontrollably and not sure why. Mommy’s condition hadn’t changed, but maybe God was changing me. After everything she had gone through, it was the first time I really contemplated that she might not return home.

Family and friends prayed for healing.

I often wonder now what she prayed.

Each week spent in the hospital meant the road to recovery became longer and longer. Mommy told me she did not want to suffer any lengthy illness. Or become a burden. She knew all too well what it entailed to be a caregiver. She had done it herself for years.

But, the woman who loved me faithfully and selflessly could never become a burden to me. Couldn’t she see how much I loved her?

Or maybe, just maybe, Mommy loved me more.

In the end, I was correct when I told her “she would be just fine.”

Those pink azaleas gave way to white.

On the third of March, God called her home. And I suspect after seven weeks of poking and prodding, she was ready to go.

“Home” isn’t the same anymore.

The yellow house on the corner is just another house without her in it. When I think of home, my mind now looks toward a place of peace and joy unlike any other. One without pain. No doctors. No tears.

See you when I get home…

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die; Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 NKJV

Winter Roses…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I was recently discussing how this would be the first Christmas in over ten years that we have no pets in our home for the holidays.

We would always debate if our cat “Lucky” had been naughty or nice even as he precariously tried to become one with the Christmas tree within weeks of claiming us as his own.

That same year, my Shetland sheepdog was a Christmas gift from my husband, quickly renamed Noel to suit the occasion. We lost them both this year. I didn’t anticipate how much I would miss them this Christmas season.

Christmas is not a joyful time for many.

The holiday season can accentuate grief, spark depression and bring about a range of emotions, many of which we would rather not deal with.

I lost my father one Christmas.

This Christmas will be a first for those grappling with loss and barely hanging in there just trying to get through the season.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Expecting those who are hurting to be joyful is unrealistic. We can’t always understand someone’s pain, but we can certainly respect it. At the very least, we can extend peace and good will toward them.

Hopefully, the pain eventually wanes. Or perhaps, our tolerance for it becomes greater.

So what does this have to do with roses?

We are experiencing unusually mild weather. This allowed me to clean up the skeletal remains of summer.

And then I saw her.

She was atop the retaining wall as I snapped dead branches from a hydrangea.

“Marie” sat comfortably trying to figure out just what exactly I was doing.

Now, I may be just one cat shy of the crazy cat lady on the corner, (and yes, I live on the corner!) but I haven’t seen any snakes so I figure it’s a fair trade. Regardless, I enjoyed Marie’s company and I suspect she enjoyed mine.

As I finished, I noticed the rose blooming.

We’ve already had one freeze so “technically” it should have stopped blooming by now.

Yet, God will occasionally remind me that He is not moved by any calendar. He provides streams in the desert. Roses in the winter?

Why not?

Marie filled my void today.

God can provide a bit beauty in the bleak. And sometimes when we feel we can’t hold on, God brings a bit of spring to us.

Unexpectedly. And with Love.

If you’re hurting this Christmas season, may spring find you soon…

Peace to you.

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 NKJV

Loss…

“Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted” Matthew 5:4 NKJV

This week I lost something very dear to me very unexpectedly. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve handled it well. I realized that today when I showed up for an appointment that isn’t for another two weeks!

We all lose things in life. Some major, some minor.

Some losses signify a chapter is closing. When we move beyond our grief we can see the beginnings of another.

Others losses are harder still and hurt to our very core.

We rarely appreciate our blessings in their entirety. We take people and things for granted. We often don’t appreciate our “headaches” until they are snatched away. We often look elsewhere for the very blessings we have right at hand but are too blind to see.

Some losses make us reevaluate ourselves. Others are a wake up call to get back on track. Some losses we bring upon ourselves. Others hit hard without warning or fault of our own.

Living “blessed” is learning how to weather the bad as well as appreciate the good. Ideally, our losses would make us grateful for what we have instead of fixating on what is gone. I don’t know many people who always do that, myself included.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15 NIV

We all grieve differently.

Some things insignificant to us are a matter of life and death to someone else. Simply listening to someone for a moment or two can mean the world to someone in pain.

Now I’m sure some of you who have read thus far are wondering just what did I lose?

I lost Lucky.

Lucky was a stray cat who arrived at my back door over a decade ago. His arrival prompted my four-year old to begin talking. For a child diagnosed with autism, this was a very big deal! We never imagined a stray cat would become the answer to our prayers.

Sometimes our blessings come in the least likely packages. My husband and I were never cat people. But this black tuxedo cat won us over. He must have really been Heaven sent as we had two unruly dogs at the time. However, it wasn’t long before Lucky would rule our roost, dogs and all, until his death a few short days ago.

I have no doubt God has a sense of humor. He does use the foolish to confound those of us who would think ourselves wise. I’m grateful I grudgingly accepted this gift even as I dreaded something else to feed and clean.

In the end, we were the “lucky ones.” Lucky chose us and gave far more than we would ever imagine.

Sadly, God’s blessings don’t always last forever. Just as seasons change, so can our circumstances.

When we find ourselves at cross roads or lost because of our losses, we would do well to realize there is more to be grateful for than to mourn. There is always hope for the peace and joy only God can provide when we allow Him to fill our voids.

If you are grieving a loss, no matter how large or small, you don’t have to do so alone. Our God is waiting to comfort you with open arms.

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance; Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 NKJV

**Rest in Peace, “Lucky” Raphael. You loved us well!

In Remembrance …

As we celebrate a long Memorial Day Weekend here in the States, let us be mindful of those whose sacrifices allow us the freedoms we have today. Take time to remember those who serve, have served and especially those who gave their lives that we may enjoy the blessings we so often take for granted.

“The memory of the righteous [is] blessed,” Proverbs 10:7 NKJV