Tag: family

Mother’s Day…

When I was a child, I thought Mother’s Day was the simplest of holidays. Get gifts for mom, eat good food, and enjoy.

Decades later, I realized that Mother’s Day is more complicated than that. For some, it is a day of celebration. For others like myself, it is a day of remembrance. And then there are those who face this holiday scarred by the loss of a child and faced with a range of emotions I can’t even imagine. The second Sunday in May can be a poignant reminder of both the good and the bad.

Still, many of us can readily recognize women who played a pivotal role in helping us grow through the years. I am very grateful to have women in my life—many lifelong friends of my mother—who continue to love me though she is gone. A host of godmothers, aunties, neighbors, play aunts, coworkers, and even customers have mothered me at times when I needed it most.

The best Mother’s Day gift I ever received was my second born son, delivered just two days prior. One of my favorite memories is a rare brunch with my mother when she came to visit nearly a decade ago. The worst was Mother’s Day 2017—two months after losing her.

Thankfully, I was blessed by friends and family who assured me that I was not alone. I felt alone, but I really wasn’t. God blessed me through loving people even as I was still angry with Him.

God understood my anger and He certainly understands the emotions this day may bring to you. Whatever your situation, I pray it is a good day—as good as it can possibly be.

In memory of Kay Frances Shinholster Finley, here are three pieces of advice my mother gave me:

Always treat everyone with dignity and respect.

Good manners and a good attitude can take you farther than skills and experience. If you are likeable enough, someone will teach you what you need to know.

Give from the heart. The reaction to your gift isn’t nearly as important as the intention and sincerity with which you give it.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Mother’s Day…

Two words that evoke love or dread.

Mother’s Day.

This weekend, mothers of all capacities will be celebrated. There are mothers to be and new moms engulfed in the glow of their newfound status.

There are also mothers mourning the unimaginable loss of children born and unborn.

This will be the second year without my mother. It will also be the first Mother’s Day I spend without the company of my children.

When my husband asked me what I wanted to do for Mother’s Day, my answer was, “lay low.” A day that once brought about fun memories with my kids now makes me keenly aware that Mother’s Day is painful for many.

 Yet, I distinctly remember one thing my mother said to me over twenty years ago.

“I will always be your mother and I will always love you.”

And she did.

The love of a mother and its bonds are strong.

It withstands life’s pains and problems. It allows grace for failure. A mother’s love suffers much. It restores confidence with a word and offers support in silence.

A mother’s love evolves and bends, but it never completely breaks. Maybe that’s why there is no other like a mother.

Celebrate your mother by heeding her wisdom and mothering those in need when you can. You don’t have to literally be a mother to teach, guide and love like one.

And If you’re like me, who would do well to merely reappear when it’s over, I challenge you (and myself) to smile over memories and good times once shared.

Give thanks for the women that love and nurture you.

Mothers, step-mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, sisters, sister-friends and aunts.

Other mothers who listen to and encourage you.

Show them love while you can.

Be gentle.

Be kind.

Be considerate and wise.

Celebrate and give thanks for the great women in your life, past and present.

Even take a moment to celebrate you.

Happy Mother’s Day.

 

Merry Christmas?

Although Christmas is my favorite time of year, Christmas is not “merry” for many.

The holiday season can become a catalyst that accentuates grief, sparks depression and brings about a range of emotions, some of which we would rather not face. Not everyone has a legacy of Christmas memories that leave them feeling warm and cozy.

This Christmas will be one for many who are struggling with loss, and a great number of them may be relieved when the holidays are over.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Some people may very well need to tend their wounds instead of catering to the expectations of other people.

Insisting those who are hurting be joyful is unrealistic. We can’t always understand someone’s pain, but we can certainly respect it.

By faith, I am trusting God that much joy and laughter awaits us this Christmas.

 One reason we celebrate the birth of Christ is the promise of a new life that doesn’t suffer the ills and pains of this earthly world. Those who trust Him have a promise of something better for eternity.

Through faith, we win the mental battle that allows us to see the light that eventually breaks after every storm. Jesus is the Light of the world elevating us above despair and defeat. If you are feeling overcome, look to the Light!

Call on Him.

If you are hurting this Christmas season, my prayer is that you receive His peace on earth and goodwill from men!

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 NKJV

Family Reunion!

This weekend, I was blessed to return to my hometown of Tallahassee and catch up with family.

Now, this isn’t “family” in the traditional sense of the word. Some families you are born into. Others you acquire through marriage. And then, if you are very fortunate, some family is chosen for you.

I graduated high-school in a tiny class. Instead of hundreds of students, there were only forty-eight of us. A dozen of those I met in kindergarten.

Our school was small. It was the kind of school where everyone literally knew everyone else. You knew them, their siblings and probably their parents as well.

It was a simple time when the jocks were jocks without the nerds walking in fear of them.

It was an era where the “board of education” hung on a wall. Some may scoff, but the kids that came out of “The High” had a credible respect for authority and grew up to be respectable adults.

Our teachers were more like mothers. There was always the fear they would see your real mother and tell them everything you were up to.

In a school that didn’t have the latest and greatest equipment, we learned to make the best of what we had and didn’t allow what we didn’t have to stand as an excuse between where we were and where we wanted to be. Truth be told, I don’t think we were aware we were lacking anything!

Those halls were filled with love and laughter. Fights were physical but quickly resolved.

No guns, no knives.

Our cafeteria’s food was cooked with love. Homemade cinnamon rolls, pot pies, and peach cobbler. The smells of which I’ll never forget.

We learned to sit still during assemblies where we would pray. We said the pledge of allegiance every morning.

May Days and Maypoles.

 Life was simple then. We didn’t know how good we had it.

But now we do.

Thirty years later we look back at those times and laugh. We laugh at how blissfully unaware we were, oblivious to how rare it was to have classmates that were like sisters and brothers.

Those same “siblings” were there for me when I buried my parents. We pray for one another. I’m confident my classmates would tend to my kids in an emergency and welcome them with open arms if for some reason I couldn’t reach them.

This weekend, I was blessed to reminisce about old times and share some new. There was laughter. Yet, there were also tears for the classmates no longer with us. Still, through the process of coming together, many of us were able to “reconnect, release and rebuild.”

And, most importantly, there was love.

Love for one another and love for the institution that brought us together and keeps us together as friends and family, brothers and sisters.

That is something to be grateful for.

Florida A & M University Developmental Research School Class of 87.

FAMULY!

I thank God, I was blessed to be one of you.

A friend loves at all times,
And a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17 NKJV

For Better or For Worse…

By the time you read this, I should be well on my way to celebrate my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. My “ride or die” and I are off to spend some quality time together as we reminisce upon our better and our worse, the rich and the poor and appreciate the fact we are in relatively good health.

We are no longer the wide-eyed twenty somethings who were engaged in just six weeks. Twenty-five years later, we have been through some things.

Births and deaths.

Gains and losses.

More grey hairs.

Still, I can thankfully say the “worse” made us better instead of bitter.

We learned to compromise and admit our faults. We can now balance our strengths and tolerate our weaknesses. Most importantly, we learned to rely on God instead of ourselves.

 Through two kids, five homes, six cities, eleven pets and too many career choices to mention (both his and mine) we managed to keep it together.

And sometimes “together” is more than enough.

We now find ourselves back where we began, just the two of us.

Another cycle of life. Sunrise, sunset.

Happy Anniversary Rod Raphael!

Our “better” has far exceeded our “worse.”

We truly are blessed.

And now, we are off on another adventure. Hubby and I are headed to view some amazing sunrises that we may cherish them later in our sunset.

God willing, together.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 NIV

Sunrise, Sunset…

“Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears”
–Fiddler on The Roof

These lyrics came to mind today as I sat on the porch and thought about all the changes my family managed this year. Life as an empty nester is finally sinking in as there are no dishes in the sink, or crumbs on the floor and the cats are looking to me for food.

  It has been a year of both sunrises and sunsets for us. We celebrated a graduation and both kids are reaching new levels of independence. Yet, we also loss of both of our mothers and I felt it was best I retired.

These events force me to acknowledge how precious time really is. I have an ever-evolving perspective as I consider how to spend the rest (and optimistically, the best) of my life.

There are a few writing projects I want to pursue. I have a huge collection of books unread. I hope to become a better photographer too!  Yet, as much as I desire to do these things, I am no longer preoccupied obsessed with them. I’m trusting God that I’ll get around to them, eventually…

I want to live, not just exist,
I long to thrive and feel the bliss
to live by faith, not out of fear,
With time to cherish all who are dear;

With each sunrise, I seek to see
And do the work God has for me
May each sunset find me content
The time I spend, God finds well spent

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens: Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

High Hopes!

“Next time you’re found, with your chin on the ground
There’s a lot to be learned, so look around
Just what makes that little old ant
Think he’ll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can’t
Move a rubber tree plant”

My hopes haven’t always been high.

I’ve always been a “realist” even as I prayed to God for the miracles I sought. It is only in the past four or five years that I realized I wasn’t setting my “hopes” even remotely high enough.

As I began to see how God was using my son Lan to not only show me what He could do and would do for me, God also taught me to get my hopes up!

One small victory after another made me realize that I didn’t have to have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I somehow managed to let God be God and relax a little and truly trust God for the things I prayed for.

It has been my general experience that God responds to my level of expectation. The things I dare hope and dream for He brings (slowly) to fruition if I hope hard enough and trust that He can and He will.

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:1-5 NKJV

 Hope does not disappoint.

I would rather hope for the best and be proven wrong than wallow in misery faithless.

Yes, there are things I will never understand. Yet, I cannot allow life’s disappointments to rob me of God’s peace when I choose to trust in Him.

Lan is asserting his independence more and more. He has “high hopes” for his future. If I tell him something’s not going to happen he just gives me “the look” learned from big brother that basically says I hear you but I’m not listening to a thing you say.

And that’s not always a bad thing.

I believe my past failures to hope as high as God would have me to do stem from listening to people instead of listening to God. If we are so tuned in to the multitude of “nos” coming from the choir, we will never hear God’s whispered “yes.”

Lan has confidence I never had at his age, partly because he had to work extremely hard to meet his goals. He learned far sooner than I ever did to tune out the “no.”

 I’m grateful to have come to a point where I can persevere and hope for God’s best fully aware that His best isn’t always what I want.

Hope does not disappoint.

“But he’s got high hopes, he’s got high hopes
He’s got high apple pie, in the sky hopes
So any time you’re gettin’ low
‘Stead of lettin’ go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant”

 

**Songwriters: J. VAN HEUSEN, S. CAHN  High Hopes lyrics © BARTON MUSIC CORPORATION

Lessons From My Mother…

She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.

 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:

Proverbs 31:27-28 NIV

 

  I’ll admit I’d been dreading this weekend for weeks. Losing my mother at the first of March, I was keenly aware that Mother’s Day would soon be upon me and I’d have to somehow get through it.

Yet, my favorite cousin reached out to me and convinced me to celebrate this weekend and not dread it. After a bit of reflection, I realized he was right.

I was blessed with a wonderful mother, the kind of person I’d believed I could never take for granted. Now months after her passing, even with the best of intentions, I realize I did.

Still, she left me far more blessings than I’ll ever be able to count. I thank God for my years with her and challenge you to make time to remember and appreciate the special women in your own life.

Celebrate your mother, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, godmothers, teachers, community leaders and any women who have positively impacted you. If possible, give them flowers while they can smell them and kind words while they can hear them.

Here are a few lessons I learned from my mom…

Keep your eyes on your destination, not your location

Good manners show you value other people

The merits of a good education

A great attitude will take you farther than a good education

Money can’t buy common sense

Don’t expect anything you aren’t willing to work for

How to cook with love

How to give generously

Unconditional love

How to pray

And finally, even as I was losing her, my mother managed to teach me one final lesson.

Be still and trust God.

Not knowing what each day would bring, Mommy demonstrated how to trust God and peacefully wait on the Lord. She kept her faith and kept her cool all the while concerned about everyone else.

I’m pretty sure I’m not yet mature enough to handle all the obstacles she overcame as graciously as she did throughout her lifetime. She set the bar mighty high.

But maybe one day…

Happy Mother’s Day Mommy

 

Soar!

I read somewhere that eagles teach their chicks to fly by dropping them from high heights. The parents will continue to catch their babies until eventually the chicks stretch their wings and begin to fly for themselves.

I dropped my own “chick” off at college last week. We prepared for his eventual departure by slowly nudging him out of the nest, giving him more responsibility and allowing him to do more for himself without out “hovering” to make sure everything was done to our standards.

Well, he is now settled in a nest of his own complete with a couple hundred dorm mates. The kids I saw as we moved him in looked excited, optimistic and ready for the future.

We “older” adults aren’t always as optimistic. We have experienced more “hard knocks” of life that leave us a bit jaded and perhaps a tad pessimistic.

“Realistic,” is what we tend to call it.

I enjoyed watching the kids full of potential walking around like they can take on the world. I am content knowing my child is confident in his own abilities. So much so that he had no problems kicking me and the hubby out!

And he was correct, it was time for us to go.

Time for us to let him stretch his wings, fellowship with other “chicks” and live his life without parents scrutinizing his every move.

It takes effort to hang on to hope when we forget that our Father created us to fly. Even though we sometimes feel like we are barely hanging on, God is always there watching and waiting for us to take flight.

Like the eagle, God doesn’t “drop us” until He knows we can fly.

 In Christ, we possess the ability to soar even in those less than ideal situations we loath. Still, we can crumble and fail to even stretch our wings when the fear of failure exceeds our expectations of God’s grace!

We must remind ourselves that should we fail/fall we too will be caught. Our wings may feel broken and our feathers a bit ruffled but our Father allows us to fall knowing it is the only way we will ever learn to fly.

 When we allow the negatives in life to build our character instead of fuel our fears, we can soar as God intended.

Sometimes those “youngsters” actually teach me a thing or two.

B Blessed class of 2020!

But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 NKJV

Pomp and Circumstance…

Behold, the former things have come to pass,
And new things I declare;
Before they spring forth I tell you of them.” Isaiah 42:9 NKJV

I celebrated the graduation of my first born from high school a week ago today. It was a great gathering of friends and family in addition to the well wishes of many people who helped us along our journey.

I readily admit I felt a load lift as my son walked across the stage with diploma in hand. I wasn’t expecting it, yet a sudden peace fell over me. For a school year that seemed to rush by so quickly, we had come to a celebratory ending.

Or, had we?

Merriam-Webster defines commencement as “a time when something begins.”

There are monumental moments in our lives when we commemorate certain milestones. Yet, I wonder how often we view them as God views them. What if the old things we yearn for pale in comparison to the new thing God would do if only we would look forward instead of fixating on what was.

 As with my son’s graduation, we are to take what we have learned previously and apply it as we move forward into our next phase of life. However, some of us cling so tightly to what is familiar and comfortable, we limit ourselves by failing to even give something new the chance to bud let alone flourish.

What we perceive to be an ending is often a beginning.

It may be the end of a friendship, relationship or job that initiates a new beginning; God is very aware we will never reach our full potential complacent with what is comfortable. Consequently, our Father may allow us to lose a few things from time to time.

As devastating as it is to lose someone we love, we never know what we are capable of until we are forced to go it on our own. Likewise, many a new career or entrepreneurial endeavor commences with the loss of a job or forced retirement.

I’m in the midst of a few new things myself and honestly, I’m just waiting to see what God does with them and me!

 I may not necessarily like them but I choose to trust Him.

It is never too late to learn something new.

It is never too late to graduate from what was and pursue the passions God planted in you.

The gift of each day holds a promise that is true.

Are you ready to perceive receive the new thing God would do for you?

 I find it fitting that Pomp and Circumstance is also known in the USA as “Land of Hope and Glory.” May we all be hopeful for new beginnings, and may God our Father be glorified in the process.

Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19 NKJV