family – Page 3 – B Is for Blessed!

Dear Lilka, 11-4-2016, Stepping Onto the Bridge

Dear Lilka,

In your letter to me last week you asked four questions, the first of which was, “How can I hope to bridge the gap and promote meaningful conversation in regard to race?” While I don’t have THE answers, I will attempt to respond to this question and the remaining three in a way I think may serve to bridge that gap, rather than divide.

pakistani-suspension-bridge

Sometimes the bridge you speak of may take us into unknown territory. Sometimes the crossing may feel precarious or fragile. Yet we both know the journey is imperative if we are to establish, heal and restore relationships.

It’s important for us to continue to ask questions, to be honest in our responses, and to be kind and compassionate, just as you have done in your letter – as we and our readers have done so far in this conversation. We must make room for a diversity of responses and do our best to understand the cultural view and experience of the other. And we must speak from the foundation of the love and grace of Christ.

“How can I make my white brothers understand what a black mother fears these days?”

Truthfully, Lilka, I don’t know if our white brothers have a desire to understand this, just as I honestly don’t know if they have a desire to understand what women in general fear or are concerned with. I believe our conversation must start with women: mothers, sisters and daughters. We then must identify both men and women who are free in Christ, who have received His grace and are able to see beyond their own agenda, who are willing to allow the Spirit to transform their hearts and minds.

We must work to gently open men’s hearts one step at a time; we must be vulnerable with them, even though this, in and of itself, can be intimidating. I only know anger does not work. Anger begets anger and leads to marking territories. If we are able to take them by the hand and look them in the eyes and see their hurt, and see each one as God sees him, I believe we may have a chance.

Don’t become like the people of this world. Instead, let God transform you from the inside out by renewing your mind and changing the way you think. As a result, you will be able to discern what God wills and what God finds good, pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

“When a man chooses to take a stand, or in this case, a knee, why is he ridiculed, threatened and viewed with disdain? Why can’t people see there is a difference between an ‘idol’ and respect?”

We have seen this before (and have written about it previously) regarding the flag and the pledge of allegiance. As Christians, our memory is short. We forget we are to have no other God before our God. Yet we make the same mistake as the Hebrews in Exodus who worshiped the golden calf; we worship many things as our idols, and become angry when others fail to worship them. A flag, a song, a candidate: none of these are God; none of them has the power to save.

Didn’t Jesus speak for the broken-hearted, for those who received unjust treatment? Are we to turn a blind eye because we refuse to take the time to understand the neighbor who Jesus said to love? Do we automatically scoff when our friends jeer and mock because it’s all too easy to ridicule what we don’t understand?

Yes, it’s sometimes hard work to get to know someone, to take the narrow road to find out who they are and what they think, why they experience hurt and pain and anger when we don’t. It’s so easy to shrug our shoulders and say something sarcastic or dismissive. But Jesus tells us otherwise, and I like the way Eugene Peterson interprets his words in The Message:

“You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

“In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up! You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.” (Matthew 5:44-48)

“I understand if you think it’s not ‘your problem.’ But the problem arises when you don’t object; you permit injustice to continue and entrench itself even further. Is that what America has become?”

Lilka, as I said last week, the first thing we need to do is what God expected Cain to do – become our brother’s (and sister’s) keeper. I fear our country is becoming more and more “hands off” – not only from other countries but from each other. There was a time it seemed things were moving forward. We seemed to care about people in other countries or states suffering from disasters, we cared about our neighbors, we cared about our families. There was a time great movements happened that changed history for the better.

Now it seems we have folded in upon ourselves; we have become afraid of looking outward. We must become courageous once again.

bridge-in-fog We must first get to know our brothers and sisters who we see as “not like us.” We must be willing to start the hard conversations. We must be willing to validate the experiences described, take them at face value, and call them what they are: injustice. We must step onto the bridge, even when we don’t see the destination. If we do anything less, we discredit and negate the stories of people of color. For these are not random stories; they are a monumental and statistically significant collection of incidents that make up a system of injustice.

We must then take the hands of our brothers and sisters and take a stand with them. We must see these systems for what they are and work together to change them.

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice. (Proverbs 31:8-9)

For anyone who hasn’t seen it, I highly recommend the documentary, “13^th.” You can view it on Netflix.

Dear Susan, (10-28-16) race relations continued…

Dear Susan,

How can I hope to bridge the gap and promote meaningful conversation in regard to race?

How can I make my white brothers understand what a black mother fears these days?

I fully agree “All Lives Matter,” yet it is the blood of black people staining the streets.

I know you may be tired of hearing it.

Trust me, blacks are even more tired of living it.

My husband and two sons mean the world to me.

I pray they stay safe and unharmed every day.

Every day, the kind of day where your car breaking down leaves you slain in the street.

Hands up, but dead anyway.

Every day, the kind of day when a kid walking home wearing a hoodie dies because a madman thought he “looked” suspicious.

His killer walks free while yet another mother becomes imprisoned by grief.

When a man chooses to take a stand, or in this case, a knee, why is he ridiculed, threatened and viewed with disdain.

He is a brave voice for those long silenced, aware it may cost him everything with very little to gain.

Why can’t people see there is a difference between an “idol” and respect.

The God I serve commands we love one another, not reverence a song.

And of that song we sing, “O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?”

If only everyone was allowed to walk free, pursue happiness and live as God created them to be.

The rockets’ red glare?

The bombs bursting in air?

Black veterans fought and still fight for those freedoms of which you sing.

I understand if you think it’s not “your problem.”

But the problem arises when you don’t object; you permit injustice to continue and entrench itself even further.

Hate is often disguised as patriotism.

It worked for Hitler.

Is that what America has become?

I know there are no easy answers.

It is not as simple as black or white.

I know this topic makes people nervous.

Defensive.

You don’t have to be.

I don’t blame you personally for the sins of our nation.

My prayer is that blacks and whites will do better.

Try harder.

And eventually become one nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all.

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28 NKJV

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Mathew 22:37-39 NKJV

***Our journey continues. Join us as we discuss race relations. You can find our first conversation here. Comments Welcome!

Who Do You See…

Lately, I’ve taken to morning walks not only to shed a few pounds but to also stimulate my brain. As I enjoy the fresh fall air, I am struck by the wide variety of trees and leaves on my path and how beautiful they all are.

Why can’t we appreciate people the same way?

The woods I walk past are God planted, not man-made. The trees seem randomly placed. There are all kinds, shapes and colors. Some are evergreen magnolias, short scrub oaks, lanky pines and majestic maples. There are more I can’t even name.

A few of them are shedding their leaves. Others are in various states of fall splendor and transform daily. And then there are those that remain unchanged yet provide a backdrop for the dynamic show.

I suspect God planted these different trees together for reason. Each one serves a purpose. Larger trees provide cover for smaller varieties. Some bloom, others shed. Hard woods are mixed in with soft pines.

People are just as diverse as the trees that line my path. We have various body shapes, skin colors, personalities, and backgrounds. Yet, God has placed us all here to share this one earth. What if the diversity among us is intended to make humanity better as a whole?

Many of us attempt to “convert” others into what we believe is proper. Our tolerance for others isn’t always what it should be even as we yearn to be seen and heard. We gravitate toward people like us. Very rarely do most of us dare deliberately talk and mingle with people much different from ourselves.

I have seen creative or “artistic” people scoffed at and challenged to do something “practical” instead of nurturing the gifts God gave them. I’ve watched people dismissed and discounted because of the color of their skin, gender or sexual orientation.

We do ourselves a disservice when we can’t appreciate others and see beyond whatever label or stereotype that first comes to mind. Each one of us is created in our Father’s image. Still, some of us have placed God in such a small box, we often fail to recognize Him let alone the people He created!

What if the individual characteristics that make each of us unique are there to serve a purpose?

When we quickly dismiss people far different from ourselves we lose opportunities to learn and grow.

It may require us to intentionally go to new places or talk with people unlike ourselves to receive blessings we don’t even know we need.

As I look around at all the various trees they remind me of the “different” people God placed in my life. They have been of different religions, nationalities, races, economic statuses, political affiliations and only God knows what else.

Many “different” people blessed me at some of the hardest times of my life. A few influenced my thinking. One in particular encouraged me to face my challenges head on. Still, others made my daily routine that much easier to bear.

With all of our differences we somehow managed to find more common ground that not. And through each one of them, so very different from myself, I realize I’ve been blessed.

“Thus saith God, the LORD, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein:” Isaiah 42:5 KJV

** Feel free to join our dialogue on race relations that begins 10/21/16 with myself and Susan Irene Fox.

Bee Yourself!

Comparison is the root of discontent.

This is one truth I discovered this last decade or so.

We will never fully appreciate what we have if we always compare ourselves to other people.

My solution for this is to stay focused and run my race.

I watched a great example of this during the Olympics. One of the track and field athletes actually lost his heat because instead of looking forward and pressing toward the finish line, he looked to his left and to his right for the other runners. If he had only focused on the goal ahead, he would have qualified for the next race.

This is something my youngest and I are battling at present.

The topic of ACTs and SATs is popular among seniors. However, test taking has never been Lan’s strong point. His acceptance into a graphics arts/animation program will not be due to high test scores.

Still, listening to his friends has made him anxious. Comparing their plans with his own is causing frustration for both of us!

I have repeatedly told him he doesn’t have to pursue his goals the way others pursue theirs. I’m trying to make him understand this lesson, one that I’ve had to “learn” myself a time or two.

The temptation to compare ourselves with others is always present. Often in parenting, the opportunities are endless. Yet, this is a dangerous habit because it is so easy to become disenchanted with what you have based on the briefest glimpse into someone else’s life.

When we allow these comparisons to root themselves in us, they often leach away the peace and contentment that God provides.

The infamous “why my child?” easily pops into mind.

God’s answer of “you can handle it” isn’t usually a welcome answer.

We can sometimes allow the progress we make to be diminished by what we perceive around us. However, what we perceive isn’t always true.

I choose to appreciate my here and now, very much aware plenty of people would be more than satisfied with my particular set of “problems.”

I’m trying to teach Lan, by example, to be grateful for gains. Personal “success” is independent of what others think or do!

Lan may not be the most academically strong student; however, he does have an artistic flair all his very own. When we focus on our strengths and not what we think we lack, we can fully fulfill God’s purpose for our lives.

I’ve learned the hard way that what works for someone else isn’t necessarily going to work for me. My “success” in life won’t come following someone else’s blueprint. God gives us what we need to create our own.

I found peace and joy when I nurtured my own talents. I found contentment when I learned to enjoy being me.

I pray Lan learns this lesson far sooner than I ever did.

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:13-14 NKJV

May He grant you according to your heart’s desire,
And fulfill all your purpose. Psalm 20:4 NKJV

Soar!

I read somewhere that eagles teach their chicks to fly by dropping them from high heights. The parents will continue to catch their babies until eventually the chicks stretch their wings and begin to fly for themselves.

I dropped my own “chick” off at college last week. We prepared for his eventual departure by slowly nudging him out of the nest, giving him more responsibility and allowing him to do more for himself without out “hovering” to make sure everything was done to our standards.

Well, he is now settled in a nest of his own complete with a couple hundred dorm mates. The kids I saw as we moved him in looked excited, optimistic and ready for the future.

We “older” adults aren’t always as optimistic. We have experienced more “hard knocks” of life that leave us a bit jaded and perhaps a tad pessimistic.

“Realistic,” is what we tend to call it.

I enjoyed watching the kids full of potential walking around like they can take on the world. I am content knowing my child is confident in his own abilities. So much so that he had no problems kicking me and the hubby out!

And he was correct, it was time for us to go.

Time for us to let him stretch his wings, fellowship with other “chicks” and live his life without parents scrutinizing his every move.

It takes effort to hang on to hope when we forget that our Father created us to fly. Even though we sometimes feel like we are barely hanging on, God is always there watching and waiting for us to take flight.

Like the eagle, God doesn’t “drop us” until He knows we can fly.

In Christ, we possess the ability to soar even in those less than ideal situations we loath. Still, we can crumble and fail to even stretch our wings when the fear of failure exceeds our expectations of God’s grace!

We must remind ourselves that should we fail/fall we too will be caught. Our wings may feel broken and our feathers a bit ruffled but our Father allows us to fall knowing it is the only way we will ever learn to fly.

When we allow the negatives in life to build our character instead of fuel our fears, we can soar as God intended.

Sometimes those “youngsters” actually teach me a thing or two.

B Blessed class of 2020!

But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 NKJV

Solo!

Today is the first day of school for my youngest child. Lan begins his senior year without the watchful eyes of big brother nearby.

There was a time I’d be worried sick.

Today, I’m simply grateful.

Today my kid is flying solo!

Class schedule finalized? Check!

IEP (individualized education plan) in place and all participants on board? Check!

No big brother around to chaperone? Check!

Lan is “free to be me.”

And that’s a good thing.

I vividly recall Lan’s first year of high school. He was tiny compared to the other kids, walking out of class with his hands over his ears because he couldn’t stand the noise.

Three years later, Lan stands head and shoulders above most students and is an eager participant in the hallway chatter!

No longer a freshman or marching band “rookie,” he is making plans to map out his future. Lan envisions a future without his parents watching every single step he makes.

There was a time I pondered “what if” into infinity. I’ve learned to replace “what if” with “why not” and search for possibilities.

We will never know how far we can go if we don’t dare move our feet!

Conquering Everest begins with one step. Even if we never make it to the top, we can still end up miles ahead of where we started.

Still, some of the most important steps we can take aren’t physical, but mental.

We can’t always change a condition, but we can certainly change the way we think about it, pray about it and live with it.

Autism is only one adjective used to describe a person. It doesn’t necessarily have to define him.

Party animal.

Marching band member.

Artist.

These are words Lan uses to describe himself.

As parents, we pushed, prodded, and even yelled a time or two to get this kid to reach his potential, clueless to just what that “potential” would be.

Lan slowly made strides that eventually gave him both confidence and enthusiasm to go it alone. He is no longer afraid of flying “solo.”

I realize now, God did the very same with me!

It wasn’t fun.

And it certainly wasn’t easy.

Yet, our Heavenly Father can force us into situations that will ultimately bring out the best in us.

I’ve learned how to write and have guts enough to let people read it. I can now work a camera without breaking one. My computer skills have improved exponentially. And honestly, none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been forced along this ASD journey.

God can take what looks like a mess and turn it into a message that will draw us nearer to Him!

Even when we feel alone, we are not alone. God is ever present through both fears and tears.

I don’t have to have the answers as long as I give God my problems.

Like Lan, I’m now “free to be me.”

I’ve conquered my fear of flying solo!

“Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed.”
Mark 1:35 NKJV

Not So New…

My many hydrangeas have pretty much passed their peak. Most of the flowers are no longer pale and soft. These days, fresh blooms are few. Yet, I welcome their transformation; I’ve learned to appreciate the “not so new.”

How is it that the blessings we ask God for and gratefully receive are often taken for granted as we pursue something new?

The excitement of new love gives way as a relationship weathers the daily routine. The joy of a new baby yields to the time and fatigue required to parent properly. Even friendships can become abandoned when they are no longer “fun” and good times are few and far between.

I challenge you to look at the people and relationships in your life with a fresh perspective. Even though they may not be what they once were, you should appreciate them for all they have become.

Appreciate your home as if you’d once been homeless. Love your loved ones as if you nearly lost them. Choose to thank God for the gifts you have today instead of looking back on what was or even longing for what can be…

View that job out of gratitude, if you have one.

Love the people in your life for getting you where you need to go, coming along for the ride, or for simply tolerating you through the years!

Contentment doesn’t necessarily breed complacency. Rather, it can grant you peace and gratitude.

Remember, new isn’t always better.

Family, friends, good books, and wine. Some things become priceless with the passing of time.

“Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.” Psalms 71:9 KJV

Pomp and Circumstance…

Behold, the former things have come to pass,
And new things I declare;
Before they spring forth I tell you of them.” Isaiah 42:9 NKJV

I celebrated the graduation of my first born from high school a week ago today. It was a great gathering of friends and family in addition to the well wishes of many people who helped us along our journey.

I readily admit I felt a load lift as my son walked across the stage with diploma in hand. I wasn’t expecting it, yet a sudden peace fell over me. For a school year that seemed to rush by so quickly, we had come to a celebratory ending.

Or, had we?

Merriam-Webster defines commencement as “a time when something begins.”

There are monumental moments in our lives when we commemorate certain milestones. Yet, I wonder how often we view them as God views them. What if the old things we yearn for pale in comparison to the new thing God would do if only we would look forward instead of fixating on what was.

As with my son’s graduation, we are to take what we have learned previously and apply it as we move forward into our next phase of life. However, some of us cling so tightly to what is familiar and comfortable, we limit ourselves by failing to even give something new the chance to bud let alone flourish.

What we perceive to be an ending is often a beginning.

It may be the end of a friendship, relationship or job that initiates a new beginning; God is very aware we will never reach our full potential complacent with what is comfortable. Consequently, our Father may allow us to lose a few things from time to time.

As devastating as it is to lose someone we love, we never know what we are capable of until we are forced to go it on our own. Likewise, many a new career or entrepreneurial endeavor commences with the loss of a job or forced retirement.

I’m in the midst of a few new things myself and honestly, I’m just waiting to see what God does with them and me!

I may not necessarily like them but I choose to trust Him.

It is never too late to learn something new.

It is never too late to graduate from what was and pursue the passions God planted in you.

The gift of each day holds a promise that is true.

Are you ready to perceive receive the new thing God would do for you?

I find it fitting that Pomp and Circumstance is also known in the USA as “Land of Hope and Glory.” May we all be hopeful for new beginnings, and may God our Father be glorified in the process.

Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19 NKJV

The Winds of Change…

cy·clone: “storm with very high winds” Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary

A new job.

Another new job.

A graduation.

That about sums up the changes in my household.

Sometimes change comes as a soft breeze, unexpected yet refreshing.

Then there are times when change pummels us with the fury of a hurricane.

Some changes we seek.

Others find us.

On more than one occasion in my “wilderness” adventures I received just enough of a “breeze” to keep me crawling moving when I felt like I couldn’t go on.

God is good like that.

Even in our wandering, God finds us and reminds us that our painful “now” is only temporary.

At other times God answers prayers so forcefully and abruptly I find myself awestruck!

Sometimes we think our prayers fall on His deaf ears when actually our “no” is really a “not yet.”

Very often I’ve found my answers weren’t delivered until everything came together better than I ever imagined and in the least likely of ways.

I’ve reflected this week on the many ~~changes~~ blessings that have come our way lately.

Having a child that graduates in two weeks will do that to you.

He’s a great son and I am very proud of him.

He is enjoying the benefits of his hard work even as I try to teach him that he may not always receive the benefits of his hard work (at least not right away) but always work hard anyway.

The difference between my “mini me” and myself is that early in life he has learned not to beat himself up over his mistakes. I admit that’s one thing I continually work on.

My son always manages to teach me a thing or two, including the fact that God’s answers aren’t always so close to home.

Sometimes we have to change our mind (or at least broaden it) to receive the very best God has for us.

I can rejoice in my current season of “breezy days” as we celebrate graduation. Yet, I refuse to allow the fact that my “Cam Cat” is moving a thousand miles away to blow me over!

If anyone had told me a year ago I’d be sending him to Iowa (no offense to you lovely people in Iowa) I’d have said they were crazy.

But God knew.

Trust God. Pray without ceasing.

Significant changes from the person I was to who I am now.

Hopefully, Cam learns these lessons sooner than I did as well!

The wind goes toward the south,
And turns around to the north;
The wind whirls about continually,
And comes again on its circuit. Ecclesiastes 1:6 NKJV

*** Go Cyclones!!! Iowa State University Class of 2020!

Good Friday!

“And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground,” Luke 22:44 NIV

We each have our own “cross” to bear from time to time but nothing we face will ever compare to what Jesus Christ did to save us.

What we consider to be trials are trivial in comparison. I don’t think any of us can even comprehend the anguish it took to carry the cross, let alone endure a crucifixion.

Jesus experienced the same things we do, though He did so without sin. Our God doesn’t ask us to do anything He hasn’t already done.

Jesus had friends and loved them. He was social and mingled among people. Jesus dealt with His own critics. He had enemies. He was tempted. Jesus was wrongly accused. Betrayed. Talked about. Mistreated. Jesus even came from a “dysfunctional” family.

On this Holy day, let us think not only about the blood that was shed on the cross, but also commit ourselves to better endure, persevere, stand, and pray through our trials.

Jesus overcame the cross not only to give us everlasting life but also that we may overcome here and now.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33 NIV